I am a chronic overthinker, a frequent worrier, a ‘recovering perfectionist’, if you will.
Yep, one of those.
Sometimes I say something to my husband and the only response I get is a confused look. Not that he doesn’t try! Oh, he tries to understand…
His faith makes me think of a river, deep and wide, continuing on the same well-worn path it has since it first sparked in his young heart. The weather may turn cold, fires may burn on both sides, but the river ambles on, undeterred. My faith is more like a sea, now calm and still, now raging with wind and storm. There’s a stillness beneath, but the surface is ever-changing, ever-shifting. Each of life’s storms necessitates serious thought, reflection, prayer and searching for answers for so many questions. I so often wish to have my husband’s steady faith, but just as God created the ostrich and the sparrow, so incredibly different, so He also created the steadfast and the seekers, the builders and the dancers. Who I am has a purpose even if I can’t see it yet, even if I never know exactly what my King had in mind.
One question that has bothered me since I was a little girl is this: are ghosts real? Yes, it seems juvenile, but I’ve never been able to shake this fear of something I don’t understand. If they’re not real, why are there so many stories about them? If they are real, what is God’s intention with allowing them to exist? The thought of seeing one has choked me with panic on more nights than I care to admit, the sort of creeping thought that sneaks in just as I’ve put the baby back to bed or as I’m running a glass of midnight water for my young son.
I fear the things I don’t understand. I want to understand, with all my heart, everything. Perhaps, if I understood it all, I could control it and therefore be unharmed by it.
Years ago, my cousin, filled with the Holy Spirit, sang a song that was just for me. I was moved to tears by the beauty of the melody and the presence of our Saviour, but today, I’ve forgotten every word she sang, except this: You may not always understand the things I do.
God knew. God saw my lifelong search for answers long before I recognized it in myself. He knew each question and He knows each answer. A few weeks ago, He revealed the answer to me, and it has strengthened again the fabric of my faith.
The question is not: do ghosts exist? The right question is this: is God faithful?
And the answer is YES.
Not, will I get cancer? But, is God faithful? Yes!
Not, will this anxiety break me? But, is God faithful? Yes!
Not, am I a good enough mom? But, is God faithful? Yes!
He is faithful! For all of it. In all of it. There is nothing he can’t redeem, restore, heal, resolve, renew and retrieve. Nothing, nothing, can separate us from His love.
As David Crowder sings, “There’s no space that His love can’t reach, there’s no place where we can’t find peace, there’s no end to amazing grace…I AM, holding onto you.”
Hebrews says to “endure hardship as discipline.” “…because the Lord disciplines the one He loves…No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:4-11 (NIV)
He was tortured, killed and descended to hell for us. Wasn’t that enough to convince us? Can’t we trust Him?
The answer is Yes!
Whatever hard questions you are asking in life right now, recognize the true question that needs to be asked. Your God is faithful. You are engraved on the palms of His hands. He is making all things new.
It’s going to be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But you are cradled by the Creator, held by the Holy of Holies; you are seen; you have a hope and a future.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:1-3 (NIV)
Grace to you all,