Sometimes I can’t wait for your dad to get home. No matter how sweet you were today, or how long your naps, I count the minutes until your dad arrives and I can relax. I like it when my teammate is home – when I don’t feel like I’m IT anymore.
But sometimes…sometimes I can see this moment for what it is – a piece of eternity. In those moments, I hunker in close and stare into your eyes, letting you stare back into mine. I trace the baby soft skin of your cheeks and coax out another smile. I fill my name then – Mother. No longer just a job description, marching orders or a to-do list; I settle deep into that name and find that it has nothing to do with how many baths you have or what kind of food you eat. I find that it’s not a role I play or a duty I must fulfill.
It’s a calling, a gift and a place to rest. Your rest. My rest. A place where God says, “I did this. Be still and know that I am God.”
The Saviour Himself put breath in your lungs. God knows I didn’t do it. Nor the doctor or midwife. I did not give you life, nor create you, nor bring you forth into this world. Sure, I did the pushing, but the verses that set me on the path to motherhood say, “You brought me forth from the womb; You made me trust in You even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast upon You; from my mother’s womb You have been my God.” (Psalm 22:9-10)
I cannot hold onto you. I cannot keep you from growing older. Someday I will have to share you – with boyfriends, with the world, with a husband. But right now, in this moment, nose to nose – you are mine.
I cannot keep you safe. I cannot stop you from getting sick. I don’t know the time or circumstance of your death and I cannot keep you from it. And why would I? When God closes your eyes here on earth, He will open them again in His glorious presence. I would not keep you from such an eternity.
For now, all I can do is lead you to the Lord. You’ve been His all along.
When you fight battles, remember: “Put on the full armour of God…”
When storms sweep over you, remember: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…”
When you doubt, remember “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…”
When you fail, remember: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you…”
When pain and loss find you, remember: “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.”
When the enemy wages war against you, remember: “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…”
When life is full of luxuries, when hard times hit, when you’re racing ahead of the crowd, when you’re on top of your game, when you’re down and out, your whole life long…remember: “Remember the Lord your God…”
Don’t complicate it baby girl. Don’t fill your boots full of rules and regulations. God is love. Love never fails. He is ALL you need.
Behold, I am making all things new. You’re in the service of the King. The Holy One of Israel. Your Rock and Redeemer. Take shelter in the shadow of His wings. Run into your Fortress. Rest in the Everlasting Arms. Build your foundation here.
I’m letting go now. Mother is my name for a season, but someday I will stand beside you in the presence of our King and I will call you Sister. When we stand shoulder to shoulder, pressed in among the crowd, singing and shouting praises to our God and Saviour – I wonder if I will remember this moment, this piece of eternity gifted to me.